Barking Mad

Barking Mad

Do you think Brexit is Barking Mad? Are you against being hounded out of the EU? Do you refuse to roll over and demand Walkies not Porkies? Well the chances are you were on the Wooferendum March with Bucket, me  and a bunch of terrible puns.

It was the most English event I’ve ever attended. As English as rain on a bank holiday and guessing the weight of the vicar at a village fete. It was Mr Bean or for those with a longer memory, an Ealing Comedy: Passport to Pimlico with dogs.

All of which was odd because the whole point of the march was an attempt to reverse our current little England tendencies and stay in the EU.

Bollocks to Brexit
Bucket and me on the way

Leaving the tube at Charing Cross we made our way to Waterloo Place where the dog pack was gathering. The organisers had organised pee stations, with pictures of the Bad Boys of Brexit taped to bollards at doggie height.

There was a surprising number of snappers present and you could tell they really relished the moment when a bulldog unloaded a quite spectacular amount of urine over Boris Johnson’s head. This is where you need a large male dog, that lifts its leg and lets go a Niagara Falls of piss. Bucket is female and quite small, so she just made Dr Liam Fox MP a little damp. Good effort though.

And of course being English everyone was incredibly polite scolding their dogs if they got a bit snappy and apologising profusely. This is entirely unscientific, but I’m going to hazard a guess and say there were around 5,000 people on the march and slightly fewer dogs.

Making for Trafalgar Square we were suddenly caught in the cross-fire of a Brazilian demonstration. Brazil is in the middle of a very hard-fought election campaign with the far-right candidate, Jair Bolsonaro stabbed during a recent election rally. His supporters were on our right (well of course they were) and those of his rival the Workers’ Party candidate, Fernando Haddad were on our left. In total I suppose there were about two hundred protesters, but I have to say they put us lot to shame.

We were all shambling along politely with our mutts, while they were screaming shouting, singing, gesticulating and generally tearing the lid off the thing. Us Brits, we’re just not good at being demonstrative, which is kind of a pity when you’re on a demo.

Walking on down Whitehall past Downing Street I came across Alastair Campbell, Tony Blair’s former spin doctor and fervent anti-Brexit activist, who had brought along his five-month-old King Charles Spaniel Skye.

I asked him if he missed being at Number 10. He poo-pooed the idea but looked a little wistful, I thought.

Our final destination was Parliament Square. There were various speakers including Campbell, actor Peter Egan and Walthamstow MP Stella Creasy. Frankly, by now Bucket’s heart wasn’t in it and so opted for a poo on Parliament Square. I thought this might have been a pawlitical act on her part but on balance I think she just needed a dump.

So there I am bag in hand cleaning up the mess when out of nowhere a march organiser descends and says don’t worry I’ll take care of that and scoops up Bucket’s poop and departs. Bet you don’t get that in Brazil.

4 thoughts on “Barking Mad

  1. Unfortunately, I didn’t even hear about this event in advance, so I wasn’t there. I’m surprised I didn’t hear about it. I think Brexit has been caused entirely by censorship of the mass media, meaning hardly any TV programmes, films, magazines, or books which aren’t in English, as well as a lack of news from non English speaking parts of the World. If people don’t know about their neighbours in the rest of Europe, then they won’t care about being united with tthem. Some ways round this are a large, non Sky satellite dish pointing a 19.2′ east, 13′ east, or a motorised dish. A cheap Internet based alternative to his for channels available in Germany only is , which offers about 69 differernt channels (they claim 80 channels, but some are very local versions of WDR, NDR, and SWR) with a 30 day free trial, then €9.99 per month. This is he deal I signed up for,, but since then I’ve received emails offering the package for €0.99 per month for tthe first 3 months. People may feel it’s not worth watching without some basic knowledge of German. They can get this from the amazing Michel Thomas course, which works quite quickly, almost like magic! Another course is BBC “Deutsch Direkt”, now on Youtube. They can also watch some TV programmes they’ve already seen in English, including Doctor Who, and various Star Trek series. As for reading magazines not available in Britain, you can find lots of magazines online, mainly from Germany and Sweden, but also some from Denmark, Finland, Lithuania, Ireland, and just a few from France. Apart from these, the service includes almost all UK magazines, as well as a lot of magazines from the USA. In Britain, there’s even anti satellite dish harassment, in breach of EU law, which guarantees people’s rights to a satellite dish to pick up TV channels from across the EU. Westminster Council think they’ve banned satellite dishes, while Camden Council think residents need planning permission and/or a permit! I think they need to be taken to Court!


  2. Sorry, but in the post above I forgot to mention that banning satellite dishes is something The Taliban and the USSR did in the past, as well as the current Iranian government. Apart from this, the subscription service which enables you to read magazines not available in Britain is for £7.99 per month.


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