London Wonder

Right outside my office window is a magnificent London Plane Tree. It’s probably around two hundred years old and is one of London’s wonders. Here’s two things that might get you interested – no Plane Tree has ever died from old age and they were ‘created’ about a mile from where I’m tapping at my keyboard in Vauxhall.

London Planes are easy to recognise as they are large, have beautiful hand-sized leaves and slough their skin like a snake. The bark peels off in layers and is one of the reasons they are so ubiquitous and healthy as its thought the pollution, dirt and grime of London falls away as the bark peels. They were planted in great numbers at the beginning of the 19^th Century when the London air was thick with the soot and filth of the industrial revolution. Many of those trees are still alive and none have died from senescence so no one really know how long they live. Today they account for more than half of all the trees in London

The London Plane is a hybrid of the Oriental Plane and the Western Plane and was created or discovered, there is some dispute about this, by 17th century naturalist John Tradescant. He maintained a nursery garden in Vauxhall and Tradescant Road can be found just off South Lambeth Road in the heart of Little Portugal.

The leaves on these mighty trees are just starting to turn. As sunlight hits them, there is a glow of gold, russet and green set off by the camouflage bark of the trunk. Take a trip to Battersea Park, or any other London park, and see them in all their glory.

Live music venues – use ’em or lose ’em

600 Club, Chelsea

‘Keep Music Live’

Took a trip to the 606 Club in Chelsea last Sunday to see Tony O’Malley, an old friend who fronts an excellent young band doing jazz, blues and soul numbers. Don’t worry I’m not going to review a friend’s gig here, but suffice to say Tony and his mates dished out great bucket loads of beautiful boogie.

I’ve been visiting the 606 since the 80’s when it sat slumped in a musical dungeon on the King’s Road. Then it was really cramped, dark and dusty with room for an upright piano and about twenty punters. The club now lives in more spacious premises on Lots Road, Chelsea close to the river.

It has the vibe of an old-fashioned jazz club with rickety bentwood chairs, a small stage replete with Yamaha grand piano and Ronnie Wood pictures on the walls. Even the food by jazz club standards is tolerable. The menu rarely seems to change but I generally go for Cumberland sausage with mash, largely because I’m either chatting with friends or listening to music and am not paying too much attention to what I’m gobbling.

If you look at their website you’ll see though the music is predominantly jazz, there’s also plenty of R&B, soul and blues. Heavy Metal; not so much.

If you are not a member you have to book a table to eat and you’ll pay a £10 or £14 music charge, that I’m reliably informed goes to the band.

Getting membership is a little byzantine. Essentially you must visit the club three times, and get a signed document to say you’ve done so, before you’ll be considered. Membership is currently £140 a year, and £90 should you renew. If you’re a member you don’t have to eat – yeah, I know it’s a little odd.

I was recently in New York where there seemed to be live music everywhere. Unfortunately, live music venues in London are closing left and right. If you have any interest in jazz or music that’s closely related, get down to the 606; you’ll be glad you did.

So you wanna be a rock & roll star?

Perhaps you play guitar and sing or play the Venezuelan nose-flute and fancy placing your enormous talent before the discerning public. You need an urgent visit to an open mic.

You may well have heard about these vaguely intimidating events but don’t know how they work. Step forward Richard Gregory the open mic night king. He runs a website which is a sort of Trip Advisor for open mics. He lists the best and worst on offer and reviews what you can expect to find at various venues right across London. Summon up your courage, find one close to where you live and give it a go.

The majority take place in pubs, some in a separate room, others in the corner of a bar. They vary enormously, some are quiet shoe gazing events for whey-faced acoustic purists, others are noisy bare knuckle affairs. Choose your poison.

Many open mics are incredibly popular and you may need to get there in good time to get on the list. Music typically begins at 8pm, but you should get to the venue by 6.30 or 7pm to have any hope of getting on. There will be an organiser who runs the whole farrago so make sure when you arrive you find out who that person is and they are aware of your presence. The list may not open straight away and some are better than others at recognising who pitched up first; some also favour their mates. So keep an eye on this individual and when the list opens beat a path to the queue.

You will likely get to play two songs, on a quiet night you might get three. Your audience will often be made up of fellow musicians, a tricky crowd, but many are supportive especially if they discover you are something of an OM virgin.

A few ground rules for you:

You are performing and taking up people’s time and while the audience will cut you some slack, if you really can’t play, can’t remember your words, keep stopping and starting any residual goodwill, will soon fade away.
A personal plea from me – No Backing Tapes. I have nothing against Karaoke, but this is not the place for it.
There are usually around 20 or so slots a night and on a typical night around 5 acts will play in an hour – so you do the math as to when you might get on.
If you play guitar make sure it’s tuned up and unless you must use a pedal, perhaps a looper, leave them at home.
A quick stage entry and exit is vital to keep the wheels greased.
Listen and applaud other artists if you like them.
Don’t just turn up, play and leave, it appears rude.

These can be fun events, you won’t be paid but you will sometimes get free food and drink. Above all when you hit the stage look like you’re having a good time, because if you don’t it’s unlikely anyone else will. The range of talent is enormous from the gawd-help-us go away and practise for a year to the utterly sublime. Tempted? Give it a go.

Meet the mutt

Meet Rusty – AKA Rust Bucket, Police Dog Rusty or when out for a walk usually just BUCKET! She is the newest and most welcome member of the family and came to us from Battersea Dog’s Home.

We love Rusty; the cat (Ziggy) not so much. In fact, there’s a Mexican stand-off going on. Ziggy now lives upstairs, is spitting tacks, and making occasional sorties downstairs to eat the dog’s food in an effort to really piss-off the interloper. Meanwhile, the dog, located downstairs – baby-gate in place – thinks the cat is probably a cleverly disguised squirrel, and as according to Rusty squirrels are an abomination, must be destroyed. Keeping the peace is tricky, but we live in hope.

If you want a dog I’d urge you to get down to Battersea. Their service, a sort of Tinder for dogs and humans attempts to match you with your perfect pet.

First you register then face a not very rigorous interview to prove that you are fit to rehome a hound. Then comes the fun part of matching the type of dog you want with what they currently have in stock. (You can do this online but beware the pooch that looks perfect might already have found a new home.)

Process complete and with two or three dogs that might be right, you get to meet the mutts. Astonishingly, Rusty was the first dog we saw, and loved right away.

Battersea Dogs Home provide a fantastic service; Rusty cost us £135, but came with collar, lead, dog food, all the necessary shots, was neutered and had had a bad tooth removed. You also learn the dog’s history, if it wasn’t a stray. There is aftercare too, so if you have problems you can take your dog back to see a vet in the early days after adoption.

Now we can’t wait for the Battersea Dogs get together in Battersea Park next summer. Right Bucket, walkies!