Category: Parks and Recreation

Urban Axe Throwing

Urban Axe Throwing

If you get it right the axe spins gracefully through the air and hits the target with a satisfying thonk. If you get it wrong, it falls clattering to the ground. Welcome to Urban Axe Throwing, taking place at a railway arch in Vauxhall; it’s like darts on steroids.

The firm, Whistle Punks, set up the Vauxhall part of their operation just over a year ago. On the night I went with two friends there were around thirty, mostly young people present, both men and women.

You sign up online, it costs £29 per person, and are immediately given some ground rules. Turn up smelling of alcohol and you’re out, and no you can’t throw an axe at a picture of your ex. There was a two-minute safety brief at the start of the event, and unusually in these circumstances, people were actually paying attention. Flying axes seemed to concentrate people’s minds.

You warm up with some practice throws (it’s not as easy as it looks by the way) to get your eye in and thereafter there’s a competition. My two mates made the semi-final, I’m ashamed to say I did not and so wasn’t covered in blades of glory.

I asked the winner of the competition, who was spectacular, if he’d done it before. He hadn’t and seemed as bemused as the rest of us as to how good he was.

You conclude by throwing two axes at once and doing some trick shots; well let’s say you attempt to do some trick shots. The whole thing lasts for 90 minutes, which seemed the perfect length of time.

Apparently, the sport, if you can call it that, comes from Canada. There, itinerant lumberjacks are won’t to while away the evening chucking axes at trees, but that’s Rural Axe Throwing, nobody was wearing red checked shirts in Vauxhall.

From a money-making perspective there’s one big flaw with Whistle Punks’ business model. They can’t sell beer. If you think of an equivalent night out, perhaps darts, snooker or bowling, these are always accompanied by alcohol. Not an option when people are chucking large lumps of lacerating metal about the place.

The axe wrangler who looked after us did a great job, was very upbeat, roaring ‘Bullseye’ when someone hit the spot. But beware, even the pros can get in trouble; he recently dislocated his shoulder.

Want to try something a little different, perhaps release a bit of pent up irritation? Then chucking axes at a wooden target might be just the thing. Next team building event for the office?

Thanks to Gyuri Szabo for the  wonderful pictures: check out what he does here.

Cultivating convicts

Cultivating convicts

Walking through our local parks, it’s a common sight to see teams of Community Payback (CPB) men and women in high viz jackets working in the gardens. They are people convicted of minor offences who undertake community service imposed on them by the courts.

Magistrates and Judges can order offenders to do between 40 hours and 300 hours of community service. They are expected to carry out a minimum of six hours work a week while wearing bright jackets. This is so local people know who they are and what they are up to.

Last year, following a drink-driving conviction, Wayne Rooney was sentenced to a twelve-month community order, forcing him to do 120 hours of unpaid work. With pictures of his fall from grace all over the press, I’m guessing the lack of pay was the least of his worries.

Recently, I spotted a few enforced garden operatives in Vauxhall Park; some working hard, some not so much. They were plainly surprised to be approached but most were happy to talk.

I spoke to both men and women and the general view was that if they had to endure community punishment then this was a pretty good option. Having said that, it was a sunny day; the verdict might have been a little different in March.

In our neighbourhood Vauxhall One, a non-profit organisation owned and led by local businesses, works with Community Payback participants. The project which was made possible by an arm of the Probation Service, the London Community Rehabilitation Company, has been running for five years and happens every Monday between 9am-4pm with a maximum of 10 participants.

Speaking to Javier Flores, Vauxhall One’s Environmental Services Manager, he stresses they take on work the council is either reluctant or doesn’t have the resources to tackle.

A case in point is Goding Street. It backs on to Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens and is where, at closing time, assorted ravers and party goers spill out on to the street from the busy clubs and restaurants. Over the weekend this creates an enormous amount of mess and by Monday morning it resembles a war zone. As Javier says: ‘Visitors like to park and extend their party time, drinking, smoking and (engaging in) other types of anti-social behaviour’. So, every Monday the CPB get stuck in and clear the street of all the party detritus.

Other tasks that Javier oversees are painting the railings on Albert Embankment, removing graffiti, cleaning telephone boxes and of course gardening. They also help dispose of trashed or forgotten street furniture and remove ever-present supermarket trolleys.

Vauxhall One provides CPB people with the necessary clothing and tools and a place to eat. They are currently in discussion with The London Community Rehabilitation Company over adding an additional working day on Saturdays.

Last word to Javier: ‘CPB has become an invaluable help on keeping central Vauxhall tidy and clean’.

Despite seeing the paybackers all over our borough, The Office of National Statistics indicates numbers are dropping. In 2007, across the UK, 191,000 convicted criminals received community orders. Last year that figure had dropped to 99,000.

The decrease in community sentences may be caused by judges issuing suspended prison terms, where an offender walks free but is jailed if they commit a further offence.

Right now, Vauxhall Park is looking magnificent, and that is, at least in part, thanks to work undertaken by people who would not necessarily describe themselves as gardeners.

Stoned in Stockwell

Stoned in Stockwell

With the sun out, the people shirtless and picnics in full swing, the sweet smell of marijuana, along with the stench of skunk, is wafting across the parks of London.

Recently the dog ran through a tsunami of smoke caused by one of those vaping dudes and ended up on her back giggling. (Yes, my dog can giggle) So I’m pretty sure those guys are up to something too. Summer’s here and Londoners are high in Highgate and stoned in Stockwell.

Weed remains illegal in the UK and being caught with it comes with a maximum five years in prison and an unlimited fine. Police can issue an on-the-spot fine if you’re caught with a small amount and will take your stash.

But frankly unless you blow smoke in a copper’s face you’re unlikely to feel plod’s hand on your shoulder. The War on Drugs, or at least the War on Weed seems to have sputtered out.

Ask any lawyer and they’ll tell you that if a law is on the books and it’s not enforced, it should either be struck off or at least changed. But of course, that is unlikely to happen. Politicians in the UK know there are few votes to be won in suggesting weed be legalised and any unfortunate MP who takes up the cause will likely be mugged by the Daily Mail.

You have to wonder how many of our elected members have never smoked a joint. I’m sure the delightful Mr Rees-Mogg is in the clear along with our Prime Minister, but Boris Johnson? A few years ago, Ann Widdecombe (remember her?) caused a storm at the Tory party conference when she called for zero tolerance on all cannabis use and anyone caught with the drug would receive an automatic £100 fine. Even Tories couldn’t stomach that, and it was ditched.

It’s all so tricky for both politicians and the police. Just recently in Argentina a huge cache of marijuana being held by police went missing. A former police commissioner and fellow officers gave an entirely believable account as to what had happened when they told a judge the drugs were “eaten by mice”.

A few years ago, smoking a joint in public came with a police warning: ‘You’re be nicked sunshine’. Not anymore. MPs are too frightened to touch it, the police have more important stuff on their hands and so we do what we always do when faced with an intractable problem, we whistle up a van load of fudge to make it all go away.

And fudge, so I’m told, goes very nicely after you’ve smoked a joint.